


Death and Dying

by SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock



Series: Supernatural As Told by Me: If Cas Was Always There [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, a bit of fluff at the end, but mostly angst as Dean dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 01:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock/pseuds/SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock
Summary: As Dean dies after the crash, his out of body experience leaves him confused and dazed. Where is Cas? Why is this happening? What is going on?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this fic pics up right at the beginning of season two. And I think it's official, I can't just write a short fic

When Dean woke, it was to an uncomfortable silence. As an avid fan of rock music and action movies… as a wielder of loud gun and weapons that had a habit of going boom… the silence was deafening. And he hated it.

He chose then to open his eyes, seeing the gridded ceiling of somewhere he didn’t recognize. He frowned as he thought about it, remembering where he’d been last and just the thought made him sit up. He recalled everything that had happened in the cabin, all the way up to the car crash, and he tried not to panic. He had made it… so everyone else had, correct?

He looked around a little, realizing he was in the hospital. He wasn’t surprised to see none of his family in the room. If they’d been hurt, they’d be in their own rooms. Still… he had to know where they are.

He moved out of the bed, hopping down. He braced himself for his feet to be cold when they hit the floor, but he felt nothing. He didn’t think much of it as he exited the room, looking around. It seemed eerily quiet and he really didn’t like it.

“Sam?” he called out, hoping that he would be around. Sam wasn’t nearly as hurt as the rest of them had been. Surely he should have been around. But when he got no answer, he only frowned deeper and moved further down the hall. “Cas? Dad?” he asked. “Anybody?”

As he moved through the hospital, he could see stairs and he went down them, looking for someone, anyone, that could help him. As he made his way down them, he could see more life happening down there and he was thankful for it. Man he hated hospitals

What was more surprising was that he was a patient, wandering around, and yet no one had stopped him. Should he have been thankful or concerned? He made it halfway down the second flight of stairs before he stopped and looked around.

“‘Scuse me,” he started, descending the rest of the way. He approached the little window, seeing the blonde nurse there. “Hi, uh… I think I was in a car accident… my Dad, my brother… boyfriend,” he muttered. “I just need to know where they are.”

Dean waited a moment, frowning when he got no response from the woman. She didn’t even look at him. For a second, he thought how rude she was being. If he was one of those people, he might have complained. But the only real thing on his mind was finding his family.

Unfortunately, something didn’t sit right with him. The _way_ she ignored him, like she didn’t even see him… it didn’t sit right with him. “Hello?” he asked as he watched her enter something into the computer he had there, but still nothing. Finally, he snapped his fingers in front of her, waved his hand even, but when she walked away like she hadn’t seen him whatsoever… he knew something was very wrong.

He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut as he raced back to his room. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t have been. When he finally got to the room and peered in, the sight was enough to scare him a little.

There, in a bed, lay himself. Except now there were all these machines that most certainly hadn’t been there when he was originally in this room. There were tubes connected to him and the machines were beeping, telling him he was still alive… but only just barely.

It was harrowing, to see himself like that. To see himself lying in a bed helpless. But what was more disconcerting than even that? He still didn’t know where his family was.

“Cas…” he whispered to himself.

Thoughts were racing through his mind as he backed up and leaned against the wall, not even knowing where to go at that point. Where would his family be? Would he have to search the whole hospital? Or would it be smarter to stay with his body? He didn’t know the answers to any of those questions.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but before he knew it, he caught the sight of Sam coming in out of the corner of his eyes.

Sam came in, looking down at his brother with heartbreak in his chest for more than one reason. His brother, one very important piece of their already small family, was laying in a hospital bed with machines hooked up to everywhere they saw fit.

Dean, on the other hand, was happy to see his brother. “Sammy!” he said with a smile as he came in. His brother had cuts on his face; his nose, his lip, but still. He looked whole. Which was more than he could say for himself. “Wow… you look good… considering,” he muttered, even though he knew at this point that his brother couldn’t hear him.

“Oh no,” Sam said. He’d only just been given the okay to come see his brother. He’d been checked out a while ago and deemed okay but he’d not been allowed to see his brother or his father. But now… now he was wondering if he truly wanted to see his brother… when this was what he was seeing.

“Man tell me you can hear me…” Dean pleaded. “Where’s Dad? Cas? Oh my god, please tell me my angel is okay,” he said, but when Sam just looked at his form, he sighed. “Come on, you’re the psychic. Gimme some of that ghost whispering shit–”

“Your father’s awake,” came a voice, both of them looking to the door to see a doctor standing there. “You can go see him if you like.”

“Oh thank god,” Dean said. “Come on, Sammy… ask about Cas.”

Sam looked down at Dean, looking like there was already grief and mourning in his heart. “Doc… what about my brother?” he asked softly.

Dean groaned. “Not me, Sammy; Cas–”

“Well he sustained serious injuries; blood loss, contusions to his liver and kidney. But it's the head trauma I'm worried about. There's early signs of cerebral edema,” the doctor explained.

Dean listened as the doctor listed off what was wrong with him like he was going over a grocery list. So much had happened since his eyes were open last. And what the doctor was saying wasn’t comforting.

“What can we do?” Sam asked. He just needed his brother to be okay. He’d already lost one person today… he couldn’t afford to lose another.

“Well, we won't know his full condition until he wakes up. If he wakes up,” the doctor let on in a way that made Sam severely uncomfortable.

“If?” Sam asked.

“I have to be honest–”

“Screw you doc, I’m wakin’ up–”

“Most people with this degree of injury wouldn't have survived this long. He's fighting very hard. But you need to have realistic expectations,” the doctor said like this was any other day to him. Like he was ordering a pizza. Like he had to deliver this news all the time.

Sam wanted to freak out. He wanted to get emotional and tell the doctor to fuck off because his brother was waking up. He _had_ to wake up. There was no question about it. But he remained as calm as he could, though there was sadness in his eyes.

Dean caught the look of sadness and he shook his head. “Come on, Sam. Go find some hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on me. I’ll be fine. Sam?”

Sam didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that there was still one part of his family that he’d yet to see. He walked in autopilot to his father’s room. He greeted John and told him how happy he was that he was okay. But his small smile faded when he told his father about Dean… and then Cas.

Dean, who had checked rooms briefly down that hallway; looking for Cas, came back to see his father giving Sam a card out of his wallet.

“Here,” John said. “Give them my insurance.”

Sam took the card, giving a smile when he read it. “Elroy McGillicutty?” he asked as he sat down at his father’s bedside.

John gave a bit of a smile back. “And his two loving sons. So, what else did the doctor say about Dean?”

Sam’s smile faltered once more and he shook his head. “Nothing. Look. The doctors won't do anything, then we'll have to, that's all. I don't know, I'll find some hoodoo priest and lay some mojo on him,” he muttered, though the words felt oddly familiar. Like he’d heard them before… but they weren’t something that usually came from his mouth.

“We'll look for someone,” John reassured his son.

“Yeah.”

“But Sam,” he began again, his voice soft. “I don't know if we're gonna find anyone.”

“Why not? I found that faith healer before,” Sam countered without any hesitation.

John sighed and nodded. “All right, that was, that was one in a million.”

Dean felt a pang of anger at his father’s words. That was not what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that his father was going to do everything he could– move heaven and earth to make sure that his first born son was okay.

Sam gave the same look, wondering how his father could say something like that when his son was laying in a hospital bed dying. They had to fix this. They had to. “So what? Do we just sit here with our thumbs up our ass?” Sam asked, a little angry at his Dad.

John backtracked quickly. “No, I said we'd look. All right? I'll check under every stone,” he nodded. The man seemed to take a beat before he was back at it again, though. “Where's the Colt?” he asked.

Sam’s jaw clenched as he watched his father. “Your son is dying, and you're worried about the Colt?” he questioned in a disbelieving tone.

“We're hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too,” he defended, though it was weak in Sam’s eyes. “That gun may be our only card.”  
  
Sam didn’t like it, but he also didn’t want to fight with his father. He had to believe that John had the best intentions. Because this was his father… and Dean was his son. “It's in the trunk. They dragged the car to a yard off of I-83.”

John nodded. “All right. You've gotta clean out that trunk before some junk man sees what's inside–”

“I already called Bobby. He's like an hour out, he's gonna tow the Impala back to his place,” Sam said.

“All right. You, you go meet up with Bobby. You get that Colt, and you bring it back to me. And you watch out for hospital security,” John warned.

Sam scoffed a little, thinking he was more than capable of doing that. “I think I've got it covered,” he said as he stood, going for the door before his father stopped him.

“Hey. Here,” John gestured with a card that looked like the back of how the patient's ordered their dinners but he knew that was not what his father was doing. “I made a list of things I need, have Bobby pick them up for me.”

Sam took the list with a skeptical look. He looked down, reading it over with a frown as he didn’t recognize anything on it. “Acacia? Oil of Abramelin? What's this stuff for?”

“Protection,” John answered simply.

Sam was glad to accept that explanation. Because it was his father… and John wouldn’t have to lie to him at this point. He moved to walk away again… but something was bugging him at the back of his mind… something that made an uneasy strain in his shoulders.

“Hey, Dad?” he muttered as he turned back around. “You know, the demon, he said he had plans for me, and children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?”

“No, I don't,” John replied without hesitation.

When Sam closed the door, Dean was standing there with his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. He’d listened to everything and at the moment, he wasn’t really sure how to feel. He wasn’t really sure why his father was saying that they might not be able to help him… and he sure as hell didn’t know why everyone seemed to forget like Cas existed. But what was more unsettling was the look his father had as Sam left… a look he’d had so many times when Sam was little and he would play stupid when the younger would ask questions.

“Well, you sure know something,” he mumbled.

 

When Sam had left, Dean had wandered around the hospital for a long time. In fact… he’d checked the whole hospital from top to bottom. He’d gone everywhere. And yet? No sign of Cas. He didn’t understand it. Why wouldn’t his boyfriend be there? Had he been flown to another hospital?

Of course… the idea of the worst had set in. He remembered sitting on the floor of the cabin with Cas in his arms… a strong lack of a pulse coming from the other man. But he never truly believed he was dead. He couldn’t have been. Cas was a fighter and that was that.

It took a lot for him to beat off those thoughts with a stick. He didn’t know where his boyfriend was and he was seeing absolutely no sign of him in the hospital… he couldn’t help but think the worse.

But the thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind when he wandered back to his room to find his father sitting by his body and just… _watching_.

He crept closer as he watched John in return. He thought maybe this was the part where the witch doctor John had called would walk in… or maybe it would be the part where he tried something– _anything_ … but nothing happened. John just sat there.

“Come on, Dad,” he muttered, though he knew his father couldn’t hear him. “You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?” he asked. He knew nothing he said was getting to the man but he knew he had to get it out as his voice became sadder, his heart heavier. “I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?”

He was stopped in his words when he heard a low rumbling begin. He didn’t really think anything of it, though… until it intensified. He looked around, wondering what was going on as he went toward the door. Just as he passed the threshold, something zipped passed him that had this white opacity to it.

He looked back to John, who hadn’t moved. “I take it you didn’t see that,” he muttered.

Dean raced out of the room in pursuit of the phantom like creature. He didn’t know what it was but he knew that whatever it was… it usually wasn’t anything good. He traveled down the hall and then another, only turning around when he noticed it just out of eyeshot before scurrying into another room. He went after it again, coming into a room where a nurse lay writhing on the floor.

Dean’s eyes widened as he saw the woman gasping and coughing. She clearly couldn’t breathe and she gasped the word ‘help’ over and over again. He panicked, looking down the hall. “Hey! I need some help in here!” he yelled but the doctors and the nurses in the hall just went about their business, not having heard Dean.

“I can’t… breathe,” she gasped out as Dean moved into the room. He didn’t know what he could do but dammit if he wasn’t going to make an effort. Unfortunately, just as Dean kneeled down beside her, her breathing stopped… and she was dead.

 

Sam entered his father’s hospital room, unaware that his brother was on his tail, mind reeling over what just happened.

“Sammy! Tell me you can friggin' hear me, man, there's something in the hospital. Now, you've got to bring me back and we've got to hunt this thing. Sam!” he yelled, even though he knew it was all for not.

“You’re quiet,” John said as Sam brooded in the other direction.

When Sam turned, it was clear that he was fuming mad, and while he was still on what had happened, he had to admit that he was curious about what had made his brother’s attitude shift from that of what it had been when he left.

Sam threw the bag down on the bed as he faced his father with an angry face.

“Did you think I wouldn't find out?” he questioned angrily.

John frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“That stuff from Bobby, you don't use it to ward off a demon, you use it to summon one. You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you? Having some stupid macho showdown,” he accused.

“I have a plan, Sam–”

“That's exactly my point!” Sam yelled. “Cas is _gone_ , Dean is dying, and _you_ have a plan!”

That piqued Dean’s interest. What did Sam mean gone? Where was Cas? What had happened to his boyfriend? He didn’t get much of a chance to think on it before Sam was yelling again.

“You know what, you care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own son!”

“No, no, no, guys, don't do this!” he called. He couldn’t wrap his mind around how unbelievably selfish they were both being. He was laying in a hospital bed, dying like Sam had said, and they were worried about the colt and what the other was doing. They needed to save him before nothing was left to save.

“Do not tell me how I feel!” John yelled back, having had about enough of being questioned at every turn. “I am doing this for Dean.”

“How? How is revenge going to help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!”

Dean groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Come on guys, don't do this!”

John’s jaw clenched as he gave his son a look. “You know, it's funny, I thought it was your obsession too! This demon killed your mother, killed your girlfriend. You begged me to be part of this hunt. Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would have happened!” he yelled back.

That was enough to _really_ piss Sam off. So his father just expected him to what? To shoot him in the heart because it meant their revenge was sought out? He was sure that was not how family worked. It wasn’t how their family worked when John was away. “It was possessing you, Dad, I would have killed you too–”

“Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now.”

“Shut up, both of you!”

“Go to hell,” Sam uttered, tired of being made to feel like this was his fault.

“No, you know what, I should have never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake, I knew I was wrong–”

“I said shut up!” Dean yelled at the top of his lungs, so damn _frustrated_ with having to listen to them fight and argue that for a moment… he forgot that he was just some apparition. He reached down and moved to knock the glass of water off the table like he would have done had he been actually standing there. What he expected was a lackluster display of his hand passing through it. Instead… the water flew from the table and smashed on to the floor.

Sam and John both looked to where the glass had been knocked onto the floor before they looked at each other. Sam could tell that his father thought that it was him… like it was something to do with his psychic thing. But Sam was looking at his father with just as much confusion because he _knew_ he didn’t do it… and John hadn’t moved.

“Dude, I full-on Swayze'd that mother,” he said, a little proud of himself.

But just like before, the rumbling began. But this time, he felt suddenly weak and he couldn’t help it as he crumpled to the floor, feeling his figure flicker between existence and non. As he did, wondering what had happened, he could hear nurses and doctors running by the room in the hall and freaking about something.

“Something's going on out there,” John said, giving him a look that told Sam to go check out what was going on.

Sam left the room immediately, following the doctors to his brothers room. He felt the world spin as he listened to the monitors flatline and the doctors talking about being all clear. His brother was dying. He was truly dying right there in front of him.

“No,” he whispered as he supported himself on the door frame.

He became an onlooker as the doctors sent an electric shock through his body with a defibrillator before a nurse was commenting on the fact that there was still no pulse. Sam didn’t know how this could be happening. He didn’t know how this could have happened… that Dean got this bad. But he just wanted his brother back.

Dean came up behind his brother weakly, feeling just about everything they were doing to try and get his pulse back up. It was the second harrowing sight of the day: watching himself be worked on by the doctors. He’d seen himself die… but this was on a whole new level.

Suddenly, he saw the same phantom he had in the hallway right before that nurse had bit it. He watched as it hovered over him and he knew in an instant that it was the one causing this. It was the one trying to kill him and it was the reason that what the doctors were doing wasn’t working. Well he wouldn’t let it take him. He wouldn’t.

“You get the hell away from me,” he growled out. “Stay back!” he yelled as he came into the room, though whatever it was didn’t seem like listening.

“Not working, I’m starting CPR,” the doctor said.

“I said get back!” Dean shouted with conviction and feeling.

Sam looked around, eyes a little wide as he felt something he was unsure about. He was sure that was his brother's voice he was hearing– _feeling_ … but Dean was nowhere to be seen or found. It felt… it felt odd...  

Dean reached for the creature, somehow hooking his fingers around one of it's arms. But as soon as he touched it, the creature seemed offended and angered. It roared an unhappy sound and sent out a burst of energy, knocking Dean back against the wall.

Dean had enough time to look up, see the creature looking at him, before it disappeared once more, racing out into the hallway. He gave chase, coming up on nothing just as he heard the nurse say that they had a pulse on him and he gave a breath of relief.

Sam gave his own breath of relief, backing away from the room a little and trying to calm down his beating heart. His brother would be fine. He would have to be fine. He wasn’t going to lose anyone else. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

The elder hunter watched his brother’s inner turmoil and he moved close. “Don't worry, Sammy. I'm not going anywhere. I'm getting that thing before it gets me. It's some kind of spirit, but I could grab it. And if I can grab it, I can kill it,” he assured before he decided that he wasn’t going to play defense. He was going on the offensive; he was going looking for this thing.

He moved down the hallways quickly, looking for the spirit. He hadn’t made it very far, though, when he suddenly heard a voice.

“Can't you see me? Why won't you look at me?” came a shouted voice.

Dean stopped in his tracks, looking a little exasperated. “Now what?” he queried as he followed the voice

“Somebody talk to me!” the girl yelled as Dean came around the corner. “Say something, please!” she begged.

“Can you see me?” Dean asked.

He watched as the girl spun around. “Yeah,” she said with relief in her voice.

Dean nodded and came closer to her. “All right, just, uh, calm down. What's your name?” he asked.

“Tessa.”

“Okay, good, Tessa, I'm Dean.”

“What's happening to me? Am - am I dead?” she questioned, her voice on the side of disbelief.

“That sort of depends,” he muttered.

It hadn’t taken long to find the room where Tessa’s body lay and well… they both had time to spare and no time at all, which was a strange concept in and of itself. Tessa’s body was in the same situation Dean’s was: hooked up to tubes and monitors that was enough to scare anyone. Only difference was that Tessa had a woman sitting by her bed.

“I don't understand,” she spoke from next to him. “I just came in for an appendectomy.”

“Well, I hate to bear bad news, but I think there were some complications,” he offered as he watched the woman hold Tessa’s hand and stroke her arm.

“It's just a dream, that's all,” she said after a beat as she turned and faced Dean. “It's just a very weird, unbelievably vivid dream.”

“Tessa. It's not a dream,” Dean tried to say as delicately as possible.

“Then what else could it be?” she asked.

Dean made a bit of a face. He couldn’t believe that even in this weird form of an in between… he still had to give ‘the talk’ where he informed the civilian, who never believed him, what really happened in the world. “You ever heard of an out of body experience?”

Tessa looked at him skeptically. “What are you, some new agey guy?”

Dean gave a slight scoff. “You see me messing with crystals or listening to Yanni? It's actually a very old idea. Got a lot of different names: Bilocation, crisis apparition, fetches... I think it's happening to us. And if it is, it means that we're spirits... of people close to death,” he explained.

She looked back at her body and then back at Dean. “So we're going to die?”

“No,” Dean answered without hesitation. “ Not if we hold on. Our bodies can get better, we can snap right back in there and wake up.”

  


“What do you mean, you felt something?” John asked after Sam had told him what happened with his brother.

“I mean it felt like, like Dean. Like he was there, just out of eyeshot or something. I don't know if it's my psychic thing or what, it... But do you think it's even possible? I mean, do you think his spirit could be around?

“Anything's possible,” he said reassuringly but he didn’t really know if this was supposed to be a good thing or a bad one.

“Well, there's one way to find out,” Sam said as he turned to leave, a plan up his sleeve. He just had to make a trip to a local WalMart or something.

John frowned. “Where are you going?

“I gotta pick something up. I'll be back,” he stated but that was all he was going to give his father.

“Wait, Sam. I promise I won't hunt this demon. Not until we know Dean's okay,” John promised his son.

Sam hesitated just a moment longer before he looked to his Dad. “What do we tell Dean?” he asked the other. “When he wakes up, when he gets better… what do we tell Dean about Cas?” he asked. “Because I’ve been thinking about it over and over again… and I don’t know how to tell him.

John looked over at Sam. “We tell him the truth. He’s where he belongs anyway,” John said.

Sam knew his father didn’t like Cas but that… well that wasn’t what he expected. It stung him a little bit and he hoped that if Dean really was a spirit walking around… that he wasn’t there to hear what John was saying. “How can you say that?” his breath hitched.

“He never belonged here, in this life. This proves it–”

“He helped save your life, Dad,” Sam said as he came closer. “He helped us– he fought for a cause that we never asked him to fight. But it was our fight and he put himself in it. He didn’t just do it for Dean. Maybe you didn’t get along with him but how can you say that it’s a good thing he’s gone–”

“He made you both weak!” he said a little louder. “He had you two protecting a civilian playing dress up to escape his life. He was a pet. You groomed him like a hunter, you dressed him up like a hunter, and you even taught him some tricks. But he wasn’t a hunter.”

Sam’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know if you’re just that much of a _dick_ … or if you’re just trying to make me get over it… but choose another way. Because I know you don’t believe that. You didn’t see eye to eye with each other but when Dean pleaded with you to save him _that’s_ when you overcame the demon. Because you know how much he means to Dean _and_ to me… so stow what you’re selling because I’m not buying,” he shook his head as he walked out of the room.

  


Dean had been walking around the hospital with Tessa, telling her that he was actually impressed by the way she was handling things and the way she acted. Of course, that turned into her giving him some spiel about fate and what not but he didn’t buy it. Because the way he saw it was that you could roll over and die or you could fight like hell and that was what he told her.

It was at that moment that he heard a page going off in the hospital and he knew what it meant at this point. He knew it meant that someone else was going to be taken by the thing that was going around. He turned toward it, moving after the nurses and doctors.

“Where are you going?” Tessa called.

“Just wait here,” Dean instructed.

Dean ran down the hallway to the room of a little girl that the doctors were working on. She was in the same situation he had been; her heart failing on her. He saw the spirit again, hovering over her. But this time, something very different happened: the creature touched the little girl’s cheek.

“Get away from her!” he bellowed as he moved to grab it like he had before but as soon as he got close enough, it vanished all together.

He was a little stunned as he stood there, watching the doctor and nurses pull back from the little girl and ‘calling it’, meaning her time of death. They unplugged the machines to stop the beeping and looked around at each other, one nurse saying something about the little girl not suffering anymore.

Dean, however, had wandered back to his body in light of the whole thing. He watched himself lay lifeless, the machines keeping him mostly alive. At that moment, after everything he’d been through, after watching the little girl die, almost dying himself… he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was breaking down.

The hunter felt tears in his eyes as he let his shoulders slump, somehow heavy from everything that had happened that day. He felt everything piling on and he tried to let it go but the more he tried… the more it stacked.

His lip quivered as he watched himself do nothing. “Get up, you dumbass,” he muttered to himself in two senses of the term. “Get up!” he yelled at his own body. “Wake up, move– do something!” he cried. His jaw clenched and he moved away from his body as he ran his hands through his own hair. “You gotta wake up, man. You gotta…” he trailed off, sniffling. “It’s your job to protect them. It’s your job to make sure they keep going. Just like it was your job to keep Cas safe!” he yelled.

He slid down the wall, trying to calm himself but he knew he was beyond calming at this point. His brother and father were at each other’s throats, another person was having their own body experience, he was trying to keep everyone safe… and to top it off… he was finally beginning to come to terms with everything… with all the evidence stacking the way it was.

Castiel was nowhere in the hospital. He hadn’t been able to find a pulse even before the crash. Sam had come into his room before with grief already on his face and when Sam and John had been talking about it… the term ‘gone’ rang loud and clear in his head.

He sobbed ugly tears as he hung his head. “It was my job to protect them. It was… it was my job to keep them safe,” he whispered to himself. “And I failed…”

Dean didn’t know how long he was sat there, curled up in the corner of the hospital room, contemplating why he was even still fighting if Castiel was dead like the others said he was. The only thing he would truly have to live for was a broken family, a broken heart, and a new flame to hold to the torch of vengeance.

When Sam had come in, though, Dean had hopped up and wiped his eyes like he hadn’t just been crying and the other could actually see him. But as his brother came in and went straight to where his body lay, he was only reminded that he couldn’t. Still, that didn’t stop him from going over and standing beside his brother with a stoic expression.

“Hey. I think maybe you're around. And if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but um, well, there's one way we can talk,” he said before he pulled something out of the bag he’d been carrying.

Dean looked down, seeing the toy that said ‘Mystical Talking Board’ and Dean rolled his eyes. “Oh you gotta be kidding me.

Sam walked down to the end of the bed and sat on the floor, beginning to set, what most kids thought was a game, the board up on the floor. He’d warned so many about these. Told them not to use it that they were dangerous. Now he was sure that this was the only way he could talk to his brother.

“Dean? Dean, are you here?” Sam asked as he looked around.

Dean watched his brother before he shook his head and moved opposite him. “God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party,” he muttered as he sat down on the other side. “All right, Sam. This isn't going to work,” he insisted skeptically, though he put his fingers on the piece he was supposed to. Though, when the piece started to move and he was able to move the pointer to yes, Sam gave a noise of shock, and he was loathe to say he was wrong. “I'll be damned,” he muttered

Sam barked out a laugh that was mixed with happiness and relief. “It's good to hear from you, man. It hasn't been the same without you, Dean.”

“Damn straight,” he muttered. “All right,” he said to himself as he thought of what he wanted to say to the other as there was so much going on right now. He had to prioritize. Which meant he knew exactly what to do.

Sam let his fingers be guided as Dean moved the pointer across the board to a C. He frowned before it went from A then to S, Sam already knowing what the other was asking before he even got to the third letter.

The younger hunter closed his eyes a little as he thought about how to approach that, how to tell him what had happened. He didn’t know if Dean could handle it at this moment. Not in his current state. “Look man… I’m sure Cas has been the only thing on your mind since you woke up like this.”

Dean looked at his brother. “Nah, it was beer and pie. Of course it was Cas, Sammy! Where’s Cas? Where’s my angel?” he whispered, his voice getting softer. “You gotta tell me he’s okay.”

“Dean… it’s not good news. It’s something that should maybe wait until you’re awake. I know that’s not what you wanna hear. But just trust me…” he whispered.

Dean clenched his jaw. Sam was right. That answer… it wasn’t what he wanted to hear… and he didn’t have to say anymore. He didn’t have to tell him what he already knew. He didn’t have to confirm what had happened to Cas.

He took his hands off the pointer for a quick second as he collected himself. He promised to keep Cas safe. He’d promised that he would always be there to save him, to make sure he was okay. And now?

He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from his mind. This wasn’t just about him right now. He had people to save. He had people to protect. If he was going to die, he was at least going to save who he could and go down swinging.

When the pointer didn’t move again, Sam thought that was the end and Dean didn’t want to talk about anymore. But when the pointed began to move again, he looked down. “Dean, what? H? U? Hunt? Hunting? What, are you hunting?” he pieced together, confused before it slid to the ‘yes’. “It's in the hospital, what you're hunting? Do, do you know what it is?” he rattled off.

“One question at a time, dude,” Dean muttered as he pointed to ‘yes’ again.

Finally Sam settled on a question. “What is it?”

The pointer began to move again, Sam spectating as it went to the R.

“I don't think it's killing people,” Dean said as he spelled out the word. “I think it's taking them. You know, when their time's just up,” he muttered when he landed on the P.

“A reaper,” Sam breathed. “Dean...Is it after you?” His heart nearly dropped when it stopped at the ‘yes’ again. So a reaper was after his brother? He was really going to die if he didn’t help. “If it's here naturally, there's no way to stop it,” he informed.

Dean sighed. “Yeah, you can't kill death.”

“Man, you're, um–”

“I'm screwed, Sam.”

Sam slid his hand down his face. “No. No, no, no, um,” he whispered to himself as he stood up. “There's gotta be a way. Dad'll know what to do,” he nodded as he left the room to go into his father’s.

Dean watched Sam go with a small sigh, not getting his hopes up. He’d been in the hospital while his father did nothing and Sam went to find the car. He’d been there and John didn’t lift a finger to help him. Didn’t even come and tell him he loved him. Just sat there. So he wouldn’t hold his breath or he really would die.

When Sam returned, it was with their father’s journal. “Hey. So Dad wasn't in his room,” he said as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed. “But I got Dad's journal, so who knows? Maybe there's something here.”

Dean came closer, watching as Sam thumbed through the journal purposefully, looking for something that would help him. It was more than what he’d seen his father do and really, in light of everything… at least one person cared.

“Thanks for not giving up on me, Sammy,” he whispered.

As Sam flipped through the pages, Dean leaned over his shoulder to see what he was. It wasn’t until Sam landed on a page that was titled ‘Reapers’ that Dean saw anything interesting. He only had time to read a few lines but the lines he did read… oh they meant a whole lot.

“Son of a bitch…”

He left the room all together, stalking down the hallways to get to the room he’d been at earlier. When he reached it, he found himself in a drastically changed room. There was no sign of a body or a mother grieving. There was only Tessa, dressed normally, and sitting on the edge of the bed like she was waiting for him.

“Hi, Dean.”

Dean looked at her, feeling betrayed and lied to as he stepped into the room. “You know, you read the most interesting things. For example, did you know that reapers can alter human perception? I sure didn't. Basically they can make themselves appear however they want. Like, say, uh, a pretty girl,” he said rather accusingly. “You are much prettier than the last reaper I met.”

“I was wondering when you would figure it out,” she said, unphased.

Dean’s jaw clenched. “I should have known. That whole ‘accepting fate’ rap of yours is far too laid back for a dead chick. But the mother, and the body, I'm still trying to figure that one out,” he said as he paced lightly.  

“It's my sandbox, I can make you see whatever I want,” she said.

Her whole shtick was making Dean so very annoyed. She was so calm that it was troubling for him and no matter if she was a girl or not, he kind of wanted to throttle her for playing with him the way she did. “What, is this like a turn-on for you?” he growled. “Toying with me?”

“You didn't give me much choice. You saw my true form and you flipped out. Kinda hurts a girl's feelings. This was the only way I could get you to talk to me,” she enunciated.

Dean clenched his jaw once more, trying to remain calm. “Okay, fine. We're talking. What the hell do you want to talk about?”

“How death is nothing to fear,” she stated as she stood and reached for his cheek, touching it lightly. “It's your time to go, Dean. And you're living on borrowed time already.”

Dean had wandered around the room, so many thoughts on his mind. Did he stay? Did he go? He didn’t want to die… no one wanted to die… but also… what did he have to live for? A war filled with demons, the love of his life dead? That sounded like a piss poor world even if his father and brother were in it. Maybe it was time for his fight to be over. Maybe he could go somewhere and find Cas in the afterlife.

But there was a voice in the back of his head. And he could have sworn it belonged to Cas. Castiel wouldn’t want him to give up. He wouldn’t want him lay down and die just because some reaper said so. He would want him to keep fighting. No matter what, he would want him to keep going. If for anything… to stick it to the demon that robbed him of his life.

He had to live.

Dean looked out the window, not being able to bring himself to look to Tessa at the moment. “Look, I'm sure you've heard this before, but... you've gotta make an exception, you've gotta cut me a break.”

“Stage three: bargaining,” she countered.

“I'm serious,” he said as he turned to face her. “My family's in danger. See, we're kind of in the middle of this, um, war, and they need me.”

“The fight's over,” she tried once more.

“No, it isn't–”

“It is for you,” she said with a gentle finality. “Dean. You're not the first soldier I've plucked from the field. They all feel the same. They can't leave. Victory hangs in the balance. But they're wrong. The battle goes on without them.”

“My brother. He could die without me,” he stammered out, wondering if this girl was just programmed to not care or if it was part of her _thing_.  

“Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Nothing you can do about it. It's an honorable death. A warrior's death.”

Dean didn’t know how else to do this. He didn’t know how to convince the reaper in front of him that they couldn’t do this without him. They truly needed him. It was hard to fight a war with two people. He needed to get back in there. For Sam– for Cas.

He walked away from her a little. “I think I'll pass on the seventy-two virgins, thanks. I'm not that into prude chicks anyway.”

“That's funny. You're very cute,” she said, though there was still no emotion, no feeling behind her words so whether she was being sarcastic or sincere… Dean couldn’t really tell.

“There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is going to rot in the ground and my family is going to die,” he said before he paused. “No. I'm not going with you, I don't care what you do.”

She nodded. “Well, like you said. There's always a choice. I can't make you come with me. But you're not getting back in your body. And that's just facts. So yes, you can stay. You'll stay here for years. Disembodied, scared, and over the decades it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent.”

Everything Tessa was saying… it scared the crap out of Dean. He knew what it sounded like. He’d dealt with enough spirits to know what she was saying. But still… he had to ask. “What are you saying?”

Tessa gave him a look as if he already knew. “Dean. How do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go and they can't move on. And you're about to become one. The same thing you hunt.”

Dean swallowed, processing that for a moment. He looked away from her again. He tried to think about Sam and his father. He tried to think about anyone else. But in the end… Castiel was the only thing on his mind. He imagined it was Cas in the room with him and he could almost see him standing in the corner, giving him that smile he loved so much.

Castiel seemed to come closer, standing in front of him and not saying a word, but still smiling up at him. Dean smiled a watery one, feeling tears. He felt his lips quiver as he tried to hold in the tears. He wanted to tell the other he was sorry, he wanted to tell the other man that he loved him… something he never got to tell him. He wanted to tell him in that moment, how beautiful he looked and how… no matter what, he always looked that way. But most of all… he just wanted to see him again. So why was he fighting? When Cas could be on the other side...

“Cas,” he whispered. “If this is you messing around, quit it,” Dean let out in a gruff tone to Tess. But as he did, the image faded… but he knew it was his own grief that was making him see spirits, even when he was one.

He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his heart heavy with guilt and loss… other things he was sure but those were the most evident at the moment. He couldn’t help feel like his family needed him. But Cas had needed him… and it had gotten him dead… that demon taking everything from their family.

Tessa sat down behind him and stroked his hair softly. “It's time to put the pain behind you.”

Dean made a noise, wiping his eyes at that point. “And go where?” he asked. Because he didn’t have a choice but to believe in hell but the only heaven he’d ever experienced was right there on earth with the love of his life. But he knew where Cas would go if there was one… he wasn’t so sure he was going to the same place.

“Sorry. I can't give away the big punchline. Moment of truth. No changing your mind later. So what's it going to be?” she asked.

Dean didn’t have to think about it. He didn’t have to wonder… he knew the answer. If it was between staying here and becoming some vengeful spirit like others had or even a glimmering hope of seeing Cas again? It was Cas. It was Cas every damn time and it scared him how much he loved him. But he was ready. He was ready to do what he had to.

He turned to look at her, to deliver his answer… when the lights began to flicker. The scene was familiar to him and he looked around as he stood up.

“What are you doing that for?” he asked, confused. Was this some sort of scare tactic?

“I'm not doing it,” she stated.

Both of them turned just in time to see black smoke creeping out of the vent and into the room.

“What the hell?” Dean muttered before Tessa seemed to freak out.

“You can't do this! Get away!” She yelled.

Dean was freaked out beyond belief, not understanding any of this. “What's happening?” he asked as she screamed, watching as the black smoke filled her.

Suddenly Tessa’s head spun around. “Today's your lucky day, kid,” she said, Dean immediately recognizing the yellow eyes that she was now sporting.

His eyes went wide, not knowing what to do, but the demon seemed to have that covered as it placed a hand on his forehead and a sharp pain began to overtake him, like he was being thrown into ice.

 

When Dean woke up, it was unpleasant to say the least. He gasped away very sudden and instant, feeling the pain all over his body from what, he wasn’t exactly sure yet. But what was worst of all, he couldn’t breathe. Something was down his throat. He began to cough and writhe, trying to eject whatever it was, hearing his brother’s shocked voice.

“Dean?” Sam asked before he called out into the hallway. “Help! I need help!”

Sam just watched in disbelief as the doctors came in and pulled the tubes from his brother, clearly just as shocked as he was. He didn’t know how Dean had made such a comeback. He didn’t know what happened but he knew he was glad for it.

He stayed off to the side as the doctors tested him over and over again, only getting the chance to tell Dean what happened in a short span of a minute before more doctors and nurses were in to check on him and test him before they seemed satisfied.

“I can't explain it,” he said. “The edema has vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You have some kind of angel watching over you.”

“ _Angel_ ,” Dean thought. “Uh… thanks, Doc,” he muttered before he left. “So you said a Reaper was after me?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“How'd I ditch it?” he asked.

“You got me. Dean, you really don't remember anything?” Sam questioned back.

“No. Except this pit in my stomach. Sam, something's wrong. Where’s Cas?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows before he gave a playful smile. “I’m surprised he’s not playing nurse. He likes that stuff.” He expected to get something from his brother. He expected to get an ‘ew’ or a ‘tmi’ or even a chuckle. But when Sam remained stoic, even looked saddened… his smile fell, recalling the cabin and the crash. “Sam… where’s Cas?”

Sam swallowed as he looked down, recalling the fight he’d had with Gabriel when he’d found them all. He’d been the only one awake so he was the only one the older brother could yell at. “Look… Dean… I tried, I really did–”

“Sam,” he growled. “Where’s Cas?” he asked, wanting a straight answer.

Sam sucked in a breath. “He’s–”

“Right here, baby,” came a deep voice from the doorway.

Dean’s head spun around to see Cas standing in the doorway of the room, Gabriel standing behind him. Both Winchester boys lit up at seeing the man, Sam surprised he was there.

When Gabriel had dragged Cas out of the hospital, it had been in a wheelchair and Cas hadn’t exactly gone voluntarily, what with him having been asleep. He’d tried to stop Gabriel, even getting into a big fight with him… but it was Gabriel’s name that matched Castiel’s on their ID’s… he had no standing. All Gabriel had had to do was show the nurse the ID’s and he was free to take him as, save for a few stitches, the doctor had given him a clean bill of health.

Gabriel had come in yelling about the life they led and dragging Castiel into it, putting him in such danger. Sam tried to explain to Gabriel they he wanted to be in the life, he begged to be… but Gabriel didn’t care. He just told Sam he was taking him home. He was taking him back to his life and he would do it with or without his approval.

It had made him angry. Because for months, they had been Castiel’s surrogate family. They’d become his real family. Castiel chose them and except for Gabriel, he’d given quite a few stories that told them his family wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. So much that gutting monsters and chasing ghosts was where he wanted to be.

“Cas,” Dean breathed, forcing himself up to swing his legs over the bed.

Castiel moved into the room with a smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around Dean. He could feel them both holding on to each other tightly. It hurt incredibly and both were in danger of popping their stitches… but to get to hold each other that way? It was worth the risk.

Castiel kissed Dean’s temple. “Dean… I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, baby,” he whispered.

He’d been more than a little angry when he woke up and found himself miles from Dean. He’d been furious with Gabriel. He didn’t know why his brother thought he could just show up and take him from what was now his life. Gabriel had tried to justify it with how hurt he’d gotten but after some… _persuasion_ , Gabriel began to understand that Dean and Sam were a part of him now. And even though Gabriel still was, there would have to be some common ground.

“You brought him back,” Sam said to Gabriel, a bit surprised.

“Back? Where did you go?” Dean frowned as he looked around to them all.

“My brother had the _idiotic_ idea–”

“Standing right here–”

“ – that he was going to take me back to that small town with a family bookstore. As if home was anywhere else but with you,” he whispered as he cupped his cheeks.

Dean beamed up at him and leaned up to kiss him deeply. “That was sappy and disgusting,” he whispered against his lips.

“I know and you loved it,” Castiel grinned.

Sam chuckled at their reunion, whispering things back and forth to each other. It really was disgusting, but in the cutest possible way. He moved so they could say things privately to the other and moved around to stand closer to Gabriel.

“I’m surprised you brought him back.”

Gabriel huffed and crossed his arms. “I didn’t have a choice,” he said as he watched them. “I stopped to get some gas and the little shit hit me over the head and when I woke up we were more than halfway back to the hospital and he was whistling along to classic rock like he _hadn’t_ tied his brother up in the back seat,” he glared.

Dean smirked. “That’s my angel,” he said proudly.

Castiel smiled back. “I would do anything to get back to you, baby,” he whispered. “And it was just a bump, Gabriel. I didn’t knock you out. I disoriented you. Because you’re still my brother and I still love you. You fell asleep in the back seat.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. It was clear, just in the past day or so, that his brother had changed since he left. He’d only been gone a few months… but just about everything had changed about him. But that was okay. As wild and as dangerous as the life he was living was? He liked this new Cas. He seemed… happy.

“You know, if you weren’t his brother, I’d kick your ass for taking my angel,” Dean muttered.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I was trying to do what was best for my brother, just like you would. Your life is dangerous and filled with monsters. He shouldn’t be in all of it. But… It’s what makes him happy,” he sighed.

Sam smiled softly. “We do protect him, you know. He protects us a lot too. He saves our asses a lot,” he offered.

Gabriel hummed in thought. “Well then I suppose it’s a good thing you’re all competent enough to show me what to do.”

Sam frowned in confusion, looking to the other. “What do you mean?”

Castiel breathed out, kissing Dean’s forehead lightly. “Gabriel is going to be joining us when we leave. He’s going to be… hunting with us.”

Dean blinked. That had been the last thing he expected. He expected the brother’s to have a heartfelt goodbye. For Cas to tell Gabriel not to go around messing with anymore demons and for him to return to his quiet home town. But staying? No.

“Cas. No,” he said softly. “He’s a civilian.”

“Cassie said you might say that. And he was a civilian before you met him,” he offered.

Dean gave a noise. “Yeah well he and I sort of have a thing. You and I don’t have anything. Not to mention as soon as you’re healthy and sane from being taken by demons, you tried to take Cas from us. People he is calling his family. You don’t know how to hunt, you don’t know how to defend yourselves– the answer is no.”

Gabriel’s jaw clenched. “Yeah? Well I actually _am_ Castiel’s family. And he’s my little brother. So you wanna keep him around? Guess who’s your new student. Because I’m not going anywhere without him and he’s not going anywhere without me,” he said with finality.

There was silence in the room as Dean and Gabriel simply glared at each other.

“Well I see you two are going to get along great,” Sam offered as he tried to break the tension a little.

Just then a knock came at the door, John standing in the doorway… actually _smiling_ at how Dean and Cas were wrapped around each other. “How you feeling?” he asked his son.

Dean wasn’t afraid to admit that he was a little confused. The last time John had caught them in a pose like that, he’d told them to back off each other. And now it seemed like… he was okay with it. It was a very sudden change.

A change that Sam noticed as well seeing as how hours ago, John had said that gone with Gabriel was where Castiel belonged. He should have gone back to wherever he lived and not been in any of this. It hurt at the time, Castiel having become like a brother to him in the short time he knew him. But now? John wasn’t throwing off the same vibe.

“Fine, I guess. I'm alive,” Dean said as he held Castiel tighter, as if testing to see what John would do.

“That's what matters,” he said softly, his smile still there.

Sam, however, was livid. When they’d needed the other man the night before, to help and to get the reaper off of Dean, he was nowhere to be found. “Where were you last night?”

John’s smile faltered as he looked to his youngest. “I had some things to take care of.”

“Well, that's specific–”

“Sam,” Castiel chided, as if telling him not to do this now, not when Dean just woke up.  

“Did you go after the demon?” he asked like he hadn’t heard what Castiel said.

“No–”

“You know, why don't I believe you right now?” Sam asked.

John came further into the room. “Can we not fight?” he asked. “You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads,” he said with a hint of a smile on his face… but his eyes were glassy like he was holding back tears. “Sammy, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?”

Sam noticed it all. The fact that their father was smiling so much, the fact that he looked like he was choking back tears. “Dad, are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey, son, would you, uh, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Sam said, frowning as he watched his father.

“I’ll come with you,” Gabriel muttered, not wanting to be in that room any longer.

Castiel watched John for a moment, wondering why he wasn’t asked from the room either. He figured he would be the first to go. “What is it?” he asked softly.

John smiled and looked to Cas for just about the first time since they’d met. “You know, when Dean was a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And he... he'd come up to me, he'd put his hand on my shoulder and he'd look me in the eye and he'd,” he stopped, getting a little choked up but his smile was still there. “He'd say ‘It's okay, Dad’,” John said.

Castiel watched John. He wasn’t afraid to admit that it was a sweet story… but he didn’t know why John was suddenly telling it to him. Was it because they almost died? Was John deciding this was petty? Was he accepting him?

Dean himself was confused. For one… he didn’t think he’d ever seen his father smile so much. Not when watching a funny movie, not when Sam won his first game in soccer– never. So why now? And why was Cas suddenly an okay presence? What was going on?

“Dean, I'm sorry,” John nodded.

“Why?” Dean sked.

“You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. And now,” he whispered as he looked to Cas. “You’ve got someone that means so much to you. Putting you in this life,” he shook his head, looking back to Dean. “I didn’t think you could. I wanted you to get out, I wanted this to end. So you could have a family and a woman that loved you… like your Mom loved me. So you could love a woman like I loved your Mom,” he whispered and his smile got bigger. “But you found something else… something good. Someone who has your back, no matter what life you had. Someone that loves you as fiercely as you love him. Someone that… I don’t know how but he reminds me of Mary,” he barked out a chuckle. John looked down for a moment before he looked back up, a tear streaming down his face. “I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. I’m proud of what you have and who you are.”

Dean’s eyebrows jumped high on his forehead, so confused at his father's words. Just days ago he was calling Cas a fairy and telling Dean that he needed to get rid of him. He was telling him that Castiel didn’t belong in their lives and he didn’t belong with Cas. Now? He was full on accepting him, nearly calling him son. It was a bit of an emotional whiplash… but Dean was okay with it. He was okay with his father accepting Cas because he knew the other wasn’t going anywhere for quite some time.

Castiel tried not to cry as he smiled. He was still on some very high pain meds so they made him a little emotional, but he’d never been afraid to show his emotions before. The fact that John even looked at him, spoke to him was a step in the right direction. But he was… telling Dean he accepted their relationship? Even saying he somewhat reminded him of his wife? That was leaps and bounds.

Dean looked to Cas before he looked back to his father. “This really you talking?” It wasn’t that his father didn’t tell him this stuff… okay, that was exactly what it was. John didn’t just say stuff like this lightly. And it left Dean wondering if this was because they almost lost their lives.

“Yeah. Yeah, it's really me,” John chuckled.

“Why are you saying this stuff?” Dean asked. Because this seemed like more than being in a life altering situation. They were in those all the time. This was the first his father had reacted like this.

At that, John paused and came closer, putting his hand on his shoulder. “I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?” he asked, looking up to Cas. “Both of you.”

As soon as John said that, Dean knew. He knew his father was leaving again. He didn’t understand it. Why was John leaving again? Hadn’t they proved they were stronger as a family?

“Yeah, dad, you know I will. You're scaring me,” he whispered.

“Don't be scared, Dean,” he whispered, though his smile faltered as he leaned into the space Dean and Cas were.

Both of them were confused, moving to pull back before they heard John speaking and they stayed, listening to what he was saying. At first, it was simple… and then John said something that… struck both of them. The two gave him matching looks of astonishment as he pulled away. Both of them were shocked, not understanding why John would say something so horrible. Why would he ask that of them? Why would he want that?

John looked to them both and gave them a nod before he walked from the room, leaving them both there like they’d missed something important from getting to there. How had they gotten there? How did John think they could do something like that?

Dean and Castiel shared a look, not really knowing how to digest what John had just told them. Not even sure why. Neither knew that John meant… but he seemed adamant and true in his words.  

 

Sam and Gabriel were on their way back, talking to each other. Because while Dean had a problem with Gabriel… Sam knew he was only trying to do what was best for his brother. He understood. And he wouldn’t hold it against each other.

They had been talking about what their life would entail, what Gabriel would have to do and how… a lot of death surrounded it. Whether it was friends or the monster of the week, death was inescapable.

But when they were on their way back and they passed a room, Sam caught something out of the corner of his eyes, seeing someone on the floor of the hospital. He did a double take before he realized that the man was his father and he stopped short.

“Dad?” he whispered, unbelieving before the coffee dropped from his hand and he ran into the room. He kneeled down by him just as he got there before he screamed as loud as he could. “Help!” he yelled with urgency.

Sam barely knew what was going on a doctors rushed in and pushed Sam and Dean from the area, getting John up on the bed and immediately beginning to work on him. Sam had had enough in his mind to go get Dean and Cas and tell them what was happening.

As they grew closer, Cas helping Dean walk, the nurse tried to keep them from the room, telling them to get back but hell if they were going anywhere.

“No, no, no, it's our dad. It's our dad!” Dean said with panic in his voice as he looked over, watching one nurse do compressions while others did what they could. “Come on,” he muttered.

The three of them watched as they tried everything on John but nothing seemed to happen. And then suddenly everything was coming to a halt.

“Okay, stop compressions,” the doctor instructed.

“Come on, come on,” Dean muttered as a nurse placed her fingers at his neck.

“Still no pulse,” she announced.

“Okay, that is it everybody,” the doctor said and the words were enough to render all three of them feeling like their hearts were dropping into their stomachs. No… this couldn’t be happening. “I'll call it,” the doctor continued. “Time of death: 10:41 am.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for making you all believe Cas was dead. I wasn't going to do the first epi and just skip right to season two but I wanted to give Dean this heartbreaking experience of losing Cas but now it doesn't even have to effect him because he doesn't remember! It hit me hard too! That scene in the middle there where Dean is seeing Cas, that had me in tears while I was writing it! Oh god. But let me know what you think!


End file.
